Hello and Welcome,
First, I would like to welcome everyone to our blog. This blog has been set up for awareness and to invite and encourage all who are dealing with, going through, or are survivors of breast cancer. This invitation also goes out to all of the men.
Deb and I have been together now for seven extraordinary years and are now very happily married. The time of embattlement with breast cancer was not only very painful, but also very enlightening in terms of doctor's views, our friends and family views, and the differing information and approaches concerning breast cancer. The most important thing that we discovered was our lack of knowledge and how we (and everyone) can allow themselves to be treated like "cattle" when it comes to our personal approach to this devastating health concern.
I truly invite all to post their comments, concerns, and questions inside this forum to attain the peace and confidence in their approach to treatment and regain the space of living a happy and fulfilled life. It is time to communicate, so please feel free to discuss whatever is on your mind. We will help you in whatever way we can, and if we can't, we will direct you in the right direction to acquire the necessary information, as we did.
Both Deb and I encourage you to post and look forward to the possibility of extraordinary dialogue. Always keep the faith and God truly does love us all....no matter what.
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Brian and Deb,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the launching of this important and informative web site. Wishing you much success.
The Daughter of a Breast Cancer Survivor...
ReplyDeleteI have always heard the term "Breast Cancer" being used, but I never truly knew the nitty gritty details until it hit home. I had just had the grand opening of my dance company “A2D,” all of my family and friends were in town for the celebration. The evening before my whole family was at the studio painting, installing floors, hanging pictures into all hours of the night. My mom was there through it all, running around for me, posting signs of our grand opening in the ground throughout Ambler. Our grand opening went terrific, we had a blast. The following evening, the night before my brother went back to his home in Florida, we all had a family dinner at moms. In the middle of "please pass the salt," my mom announced that she had breast cancer. The rush of fear and sadness that flowed through my body was unbelievable. I was frozen, I couldn't move. I could not believe this was happening to "my mom." Being the oldest of four, I knew I had to keep my composer and hold it together in front of my brothers. Siblings always look to their oldest sibling for their initial reaction; I've learned that throughout my life growing up with three brothers. After several questions had been asked by myself, my brothers, my husband, we understood what the process was and what needed to be done. About a month later, the day before her surgery my moms’ fiancé Brian, my mother, my husband Jonathan and I visited Padre Pio in New Jersey. There we said a prayer for her that her surgery would be successful and that she would recover 100%. The following day my mother had to undergo probably the most painful, emotional experience of her life... a mastectomy. She went in to the surgery with a piece of Padre Pios cloche my best friend had lent her, to keep her safe. For me, being her only daughter could not imagine what this was like for her. What was she thinking? What was going through her head? Does she feel like she’s loosing a piece of her womanhood? I wished I could have made it all go away and make her be okay again. It was so heartbreaking and terrifying watching my mother, whom I've been so incredibly close with my whole life; have to experience this brutal cancer. The surgery took several hours, my grandmother (Gigi), step father-to-be Brian, Brother Russell and step sister-to-be Karli, all sat in the waiting room for close to 10 hours. Anytime we saw the doctor come out, we'd race to see what was going on, just how bad it was or wasn’t. Those 10 hours seemed like a LIFETIME. Keeping my brother in Florida informed, calling my husband every 10 minutes, who was taking care of my youngest brother, Austin, while we sat at the hospital. It was tough. My husband brought Austin to the hospital when my mom was finally in recovery. Austin was so anxious to see mom, we all were. But when he walked in, he took one look at her and started to pass out. It was so overwhelming for a 9 year old boy to see his mommy hooked up to all these machines and her being so sick.
Recovery was difficult for her. She was in SO MUCH PAIN. Gigi and I stayed by her bedside every moment we could, while Brian or Jon was with the kids then we would switch. I'll never forget my mom wanted so badly to shower, so Gigi and I said sure lets do it. It was great she had incentive to get out of bed and do something. I shaved her legs, washed her hair and then she had to take off her nightgown... WOOOOW, I don't know what I was expecting to see, but when she turned away I burst out into tears and walked out of the bathroom so she didn't see my reaction as her mother continued helping her bathe. You try to prepare yourself for the worst, but what was "the worst!?" My heart just broke for her. Gigi and I would sit and cry. I could not have even imagined looking down on my own body and seeing what see saw. We ALL cried FOR HER. The pain! The loss! That's just it- It’s a HUGE LOSS. In our society we take everything God gave us for granted until one day it’s gone. Meanwhile, my immediate family was the ONLY family that knew of this whole situation, the fact that my mother even had cancer. None of our extended family was told. Not my father who had know my mother since they were kids, not my aunts, uncles, cousins. It was really hard not to be able to go and talk to other family members about the situation. However those were my mothers’ wishes, so we did not discuss it with anyone.
That next year was a lot of doctor’s appointments for her, plastic surgery, more sadness and frustration. But my mom was great about making everything look good in front of her kids. She didn’t want any of us to see her sadness. She had great support from Brian through that. Now, three years later, my mom is as healthy as can be and is able to move on with her life.
*When life gives you lemons MAKE LEMONADE! :)*
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*Thank you to Brian for putting this together, (its really going to be "GLOBAL!)Thank you for everyone that is contributing to this cause. This means a lot to my step father Brian, my mom "Deborah," my husband Jonathan, my brothers Russell, Austin, Timmy, step sister Karli and sister-in-law Sharon and of course myself.
This fundraiser/blog is in honor of my mother, Deborah Lynn Invero-Paul, I truly thank you all from the bottom of my heart!
I love you Momma :)
Your accounts are beautifully written and very informative. Much luck on your endeavor!
ReplyDeleteI have known Mrs. Inverso and family for many years. The news of her cancer was very upsetting and shocking. She was like a second mom to me in high school and was always there for advice, guidance and of course to yell at me when I needed it. So you wonder why such a young, beautiful mother and her family should have to go through something like this. What lesson is God teaching her? Why did cancer have to hit her family? I think he knew that she was a strong, independent woman and no matter what obstacle you put in front of her she is going to get through it stronger and wiser. Thankfully she was smart enough to educate herself on her options and with the help from her family beat the odds and recovered quickly. Today I see her and I think,” Wow, its amazing the strength she had.” I don’t know if I could find the strength to fight such a strong battle. I knew she would though. She was always a tough cookie and would never let anyone or anything stand in her way. The opportunity to continue to have her and her family in my life is a blessing. All the people in this world that are affected by Cancer should be thankful to have people like this in your presence. Any chance you have to help fight for a cure should be embraced!
ReplyDeleteEffie Cardwell
Breast Cancer is so common. It is really sad that one out of two women will face cancer in their lifetime. My grandmother died of breast cancer when she was thirty five. My mother was only eight years old, and it changed her life. My Aunt Yvonne told me that my mom never got over it, and continued to dwell on the past until her own death in October of 2000. Cancer is a very sensitive topic for me, and it is difficult to express my feelings about it. My boyfriends mother, Deborah, was diagnosed with breast cancer almost two years ago. She is blessed to have conquered the disease, and everyone who knows her is so thankful for her strength. We all pray for her, and thank God every day for her successful recovery.
ReplyDeleteSp proud of the two of you for this web site/blog and the benefit. I know it will be a great success and give help to people with breast cancer.
ReplyDeleteDeborah is my niece, we are only 8 years apart, and have been so very close since the day she was born. Needless to say I was devasted when she told me, cried for months. I spent several days with her and her family and my sister (her mother) and we were there for her when she came home from the hospital. We all kept strong for the children, even Deborah. I am so proud of her and I thank God everyday that she is cancer free.
I love you, Deb,Brian, and my entire family with all my heart. God bless.
I sometimes sit an wonder "how do people do it?" By this I mean that we have all had some sort of health crisis in our lives that either affected us directly, or someone that we love. We have also held all of our feelings inside to be "strong" for that person. If we actually ananlyze this form of reasoning, it is down right rediculous. We have nearly destroyed our selves, our relationships, and most importantly the life we wer enjoying before the incident. If only we would have spoken to someone, anyone, even a perfect stranger to get the heartache out of our space.
ReplyDeleteI have spoken to so many people that breast cancer has affected in one way or another, and the conversations have been extraordinary. I have always made the request to share, everyone has promised, but only a few has taken action, and even fewer have told their story.
I ask YOU this............which is YOUR choice:
1) do you want to get back to the happy and fulfilled life you experienced before breast cancer?, or
2) do you want to continue the life of pain and misery you have now attempting to life with the pain alone, inside yourself, not communicating?
Did anyone who has not told their story yet ever realized that communication is a HEALING PROCESS!!! and on top of that, by NOT COMMUNICATING you have created another form of cancer inside your body that is creating just as much devastaion as the breast cancer.
Express yourself, get free of the albatross that you are carring around by not communicating your pain, suffering, or embarassment of how you reacted to the news--it really doesn't matter what the reason.
What do YOU have to lose???? The pain and anguish?? Something that we all need to shed and live that happy and fulfilled life WE ALL DESIRE!
A loving, compassionate, communicating husband and partner
Hi everyone,
ReplyDeleteI have finally taken the time to blog. I will be blogging throughout time, and if anyone has any questions, I will be happy (as well as Brian) to respond to you. It has been a very interesting experience for me, as you can read more about the beginning of my experience in my profile. It’s been over 2 1/2 years already and there are days where I don't even think about it and then there are days that it is very present, especially if I hear about a friend or someone that just got diagnosed with breast cancer. Brian and I have been through the entire gamut together. The breast cancer awareness benefit and this blog which Brian, my husband, has set up, has been a very fulfilling experience for both of us. It has given us the opportunity to give something back, to help. I am working on a book for women to use as a tool for when they are diagnosed with breast cancer and are walking into a doctor’s office for the first time. What is so interesting to me is, today people still continue to take what the doctors say as Gospel, and not question it. I never did that, which is what I have to offer to women who are going through this. I have spoken to many women who just do not ask enough questions or even any questions at all. Sometimes the outcome could have, or would have, been different if they where able to have the freedom like I did to keep asking questions. That is it for now. Thank you to everyone who has blogged and supported me through this and thank you to my man. I love you.
Deborah
Hello Everyone,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time "blogging" so lets hope this will be posted successfully and wont be too long...and there will not be too many grammar/spelling mistakes (since I cant figure how to spell check while blogging). I read everyone's stories and was touched. It inspired me to share my personal journey through breast cancer. I was diagnosed about 1.5 yrs ago at the age of 30. As many say, it is hard if not impossible, to believe that you actually have been assigned such a diagnosis. One woman put it best when she said, you look behind you when the doctor says you have breast cancer. When I heard this I understood perfectly; it was exactly my reaction. The doctor had to be talking to someone that was standing behind me - Right?! I even asked the doctor if he had the correct chart. I had just moved to FL to be with my boyfriend and start a new job that I loved. Life was great!! Why was this happening now - I just could not understand! The doctor continued...You will have to have chemo, you will lose your hair, your will need a mastectomy, maybe a bilateral (double) mastectomy and you will probably need radiation. On top of all that my insurance considered my diagnosis pre-existing and would not cover one penny of treatment! Whish I could say that was it but it kept getting worse. On top of all that, I was born with a heart condition. This made my chemo treatment all the more complex. I kept thinking it had to be a bad dream. I was only 30 and I felt fine! Turns out that doctor knew what he was talking about, but.. as Deb has said - ASK QUESTIONS! Even though that Dr. knew his stuff, I went for a 2nd and 3rd opinion. I read everything I could get my hands on with in reason. You dont want to inundate yourself, you want to inform yourself. In the months to follow I underwent intense chemo, bilateral mastectomies and another surgery for breast reconstruction. I chose to have delayed reconstruction, which meant an extra surgery. I am now awaiting a 3rd surgery this St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) for my final surgery in the reconstruction process. I am finally getting my boobs (silicone implants) and can't wait! I am healthy and feeling great now! I am glad to say that EVERYTHING has worked out. With the help of family and friends donating money and holding benefits for me I was able to pay all my medical expenses. I am healthy despite the complexity of my situation. It is NOTHING short of a true MIRACLE. The biggest lesson I learned through all of this.. People have an amazing capacity to love and to give of themselves unconditionally! You will find when you go through a crises that people just step up to help. They come out of the woodwork and are willing to do anything!! I truly believe it is with the grace of God, the support of my family, friends and community that I sit here feeling great to write this today. One last thing: As with any population of women/men there are always unique considerations when determining how to proceed with treatment. For younger women some of the considerations are issues of fertility, dating after a mastectomy and how aggressive to treat the cancer. If you are diagnosed in your 20's or 30's, you will hear again and again (from the doctors) that you are young and should consider treating the cancer aggressively. I think cancer treatment is a very personal decision and should be treated as such. It is important to remember to seek the help of informed professionals but to remember - YOU know YOU best. Talk to others who have been through it!
Thank you so much to Deb and Brian for starting this. I had to push myself to do this but I am glad to share and make a difference by touching someone who can relate.
Deb I still am waiting to see your boobs! I will have mine in time for you benefit so... If you show me yours I'll show you mine! lol! you have to have a sense of humor about these things. It keeps you going!
Angela,
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, thank you for sharing. As you found out, to share is actually part of the healing process and very much enlightening to everyone who takes the time to read everyone's posts. It sounds as though you are very comfortable with your plastic surgeon and even more comfortable with the decisions you have made throughout the entire process. As you also know, this will be your last "major" surgery, and the nipple reconstruction (very minor, as I actually was in the Dr.'s office when Deb had her nipples done) and tattooing will be the final phase. The surgical procedures were absolutely fascinating to me--I think I missed my calling when this all transpired for us.
DO NOT FORGET that the psychological effects of all of this will continue throughout your life and appear in your space with no forewarning. It is something that Deb and I are keenly aware of as we travel through life together. Sometimes I recognize it, sometimes Deb does, and also there are times that it completely blind-sides us--this is the most devastating time because it again turns our life upside down. Through our steadfast devotion and love for one another, we communicate with each other, family, and even sometimes psychologists to get to the other side and be complete once again.
A couple of things: if you EVER need to talk, need a shoulder to lean on, or just simply vent, DO NOT HESITATE to contact us, no matter what the time of day it is. Second, where is your boyfriend in all of this? You mentioned him briefly in the beginning of your post and he was not mentioned again.
Thank you again for supporting this cause for Deb, yourself, and everyone else who has read this blog.
Thank you for helping spread the word and help to start the healing process for the multitudes!
Brian
Hello, My name is Marnita E. Kidd-Love
ReplyDeleteDid you know you can be an author with awful spelling skills? Well, You can because I can't spell a lick and can you believe it published a book called "Strong On The Inside" which tells of my experience with Breast Cancer. I'm 47, and I'm a survivor! Not once but three times! I have the BRCA1 gene. The Doctors tell me the next cancer will not be easy to catch and the chances on catching it will not be good. Well, I say the heck with what the doctors say. I am a fighter and I can fight! My mother had breast cancer twice, losing her life to something all together different. My grandmother and two aunts battled cancer. The one aunt lost her battle at the age of 42. Last year my oldest daughter won her battle and also lives with the BRCA1 gene. The news is upsetting to me. Knowing I past along this awful gene to her and knowing she has a daughter (my grand daughter) who will have to watch her own health. Forced to retire early from extended chemotherapy treatments over the years that led to congestive heart failure. My heart was 20% functional. Listen, I can get into all the dark tales from the long needle biopsy that holds the secrets of your near future to looking in the mirror and not knowing who you are from the loss of hair, but what we need to remember is the humbling, grounding experience of who you become after surviving breast cancer, even if you aren't the person who had it. Breast cancer broke me down to nothing , opened up my eyes to what life is really about and on top of that teaching me to see a clear into every thing that is beautiful. Not only that but to share and to be available in spirit towards another no matter what... Knowing that there are sites and fund raisers such as this one, where people are here for the good of others makes my heart beat stronger. Share a hug or an encouraging smile to one another and continue lift each other up to spread the word while supporting the cause because it really does help. Every bit counts..."I love you to life" Thank you ...www.visualconceptions4u.com Marnita Kidd-Love
The stories that have been shared are truly extraordinary. The people that have posted surely have shared from their hearts and the comfort that has been made available for others is truly extraordinary. I want to take this time to encourage everyone to share as it has been such a "healing process" for me. Please help youself and share. Do as I did and post anonymously. The difficulties that I experienced throughout this entire process has been clearly articulated through the passages of others and again, it has really helped me. Maybe, just maybe, I will gain enough courage to share the details of my experiences with my battle with breast cancer. thank you to those that have shared, may God bless each and everyone of you.
ReplyDelete